A Series of Totally Random Events
by Kamon
Summary: A man named Goku Thunder fights to protect the town of Mt. Juliet from the cluthces of the Master of Nintendo Products . . .
1. Premier Issue!

Take note that I do not own the name Goku, but everyone else is based on people I know, so I guess you could say I own them.

A Series of Totally Random Events

Based on DragonBall Z

Our story begins in the simple town of Mt. Juliet where Goku Thunder is locked in pitched combat with Ben the Mime. Ben had been hunting Goku down ever since Goku ruined his miming career. Ben had just been thrown into Mt. Juliet High School and destroyed it. Ben struggled to his feet and shook a silent fist at Goku and became a Super Mime. His hair became thirty feet long and neon green. Ben tried to attack Goku, but Goku had transformed into Super Goku Thunder! He became fifty feet tall and was able to shoot fireballs from his hands. Goku Thunder used his new fireball attack to catch Ben's hair on fire. Ben ran around screaming "silently" as his hair disappeared. Goku gave a triumphant jump, twirled and then sheathed his sword. But as he watched a now bald Ben the Mime twitching on the ground, he saw a strange ceramic vase at his side. Unknowing of the evil he would unleash, he picked up the vase and dusted it off. Suddenly, out of the vase came Billy, the Magical Hobo!

"I shall now do evil things!" he shouted as he destroyed the nearest thing to him. Goku gasped in horror as he watched Billy destroy the nearest "Piggly Wiggly."

"You will never get away with these evil deeds!" shouted Goku as he began to power up.

"Ah, but I will! As soon as I revive Ben the Mime!" shouted Billy.

Ben suddenly jumped to his feet, holding a bottle of Super Rogaine.

"Gasp!" gasped Goku as Ben applied the Super Rogaine. They waited fifteen minutes for Ben to grow one hair. They waited a grand total of 45 years for Ben's hair to grow back. (Billy's magic prevented them from aging.)

Goku sighed and shot another fireball at Ben, but it bounced off. Ben's hair was now fireproof!

"Gasp!" gasped Goku as Ben pulled out an invisible, mime-like, rocket launcher and fired it at Goku. Goku deflected the missile and it hit Billy. Billy split into many smaller Billys and they began to fuse with Ben, and together they became Benny the Magical Mime/Hobo! With the power of Ben and Billy, Benny went insane and destroyed the local "Kroger."

"I need help," said Goku, "I will call on the power of Justin's Gameboy SP."

Goku pulled out the mechanical device and started to play Zelda. Benny saw Goku playing the game as he destroyed "Café Express." Benny ran up to Goku and stole the Gameboy.

"My power!" Goku yelled as he turned back into Goku Thunder.

"Ha! Now no one can-what the?" said Benny as he was sucked into the portal of darkness that was Zelda. The Gameboy fell to the ground as it depicted an 8-gigabyte image of Benny. Goku retrieved the game and turned off the power-without saving!

At last, Ben and Billy were defeated, but all was not right in the world of Mt. Juliet, an evil man with a dark plot was planning to destroy Goku Thunder!

Join us again next week for another exciting episode of "A Series of Totally Random Events! (Same time, same place)

The End

(Not really)

Well I hope you all enjoyed my first volume of Totally Random Events. There are a total of 6, so I will try to post them as soon as possible. And a reminder, I do not own any of the Nintendo product names, Kroger, Piggly Wiggly, or Café Express, so please do not sue me!


	2. Now With Lemon!

A Series of Totally Random Events

Goku was supervising the reconstruction of "Piggly Wiggly" while relaxing in a comfy armchair, reading the Beijing Times. It had been months since the evil know as Benny was destroyed via Gameboy SP. But now a new evil was brewing, and many innocent people had fallen victim to his fatness . . .

"I . . . sense a disturbance in the Schwartz," Goku said as he flew around Mt. Juliet.

Goku followed the energy pattern to a section of Mt. Juliet that seemed to be . . . deserted. Goku landed face first on the ground and began to investigate.

"You've finally noticed me," said a fat man in the shadows.

"Gasp!" gasped Goku as a large, fat Mexican stepped into the light.

"I am Anthony Rios! I have come to destroy you, Goku Thunder!" said the Mexican. He was holding a bucket of the Colonel's Original Recipe Chicken that seemed to supply him with his power.

"Fiend!" yelled Goku as he tried to attack Anthony. Goku's fist hit Anthony's gut, but it stuck there, as if Anthony's fatness was trying to consume him.

Goku transformed into Super Goku and used his fireball attack to destroy Anthony's bucket of chicken.

"NOOO! My Power!" shouted Anthony as he let out a huge, deafening belch and fart at the same time.

Anthony began to transform into Debbie, the fattest man alive! In total weight, Debbie was 29.170893 tons.

"I . . . I will consume . . . consume everything!" yelled Debbie as he destroyed and ate McDonald's.

"No!" yelled Goku as he watched, "think about the children!"

"Who cares!" said Debbie as he fully consumed the rest of McDonald's.

"No!" screamed Goku as he tightened up and released a powerful amount of energy, transforming into Super Goku level Z. Super Goku Z pulled out the Gameboy SP and prepared to strike down Debbie.

"Oooooh . . ." said Debbie as he took the Gameboy.

The Gameboy started to consume Debbie with much difficulty. Debbie was finally absorbed into the Gameboy, but as Goku went to turn off the Gameboy, it exploded and Ben the Mime, Billy the Magical Hobo, and Debbie appeared in front of him.

"Wahah! We shall fuse together to make Benny!" said Billy as he and Ben performed the fusion dance. Debbie then grabbed Benny and swallowed him whole; he then became the fattest Magical Mime/Hobo the world has ever seen.

"Super Gasp!" gasped Super Goku Z as he stared at the remnants of Justin's Gameboy that still had 5 down payments.

Debbie had become so powerful; he began to suck the entire city of Mt. Juliet into his fatness. (Including Super Wal-Mart)

Goku's emotions began to reach a fever pitch; Goku became Hyper Goku!

Goku grabbed Debbie by the ankle and began to spin in a circle. Once the speed of his spinning reached mach 83.7, he released his grip on Debbie's ankle and hurled him into outer space.

"Now we have two moons," said Goku as he powered down. The battle was won, but the war not yet over.

Join us again next week for another great episode of A Series of Totally Random Events!

The End

(Again, not really)

Well I'm glad some of you people like my work. It makes me feel very special to know that I am getting some fans other than my best friends. And by the way, only four more volumes left!


	3. Same Warm, Steamy Goodness!

A Series of Totally Random Events

Goku was visiting the orphanage dressed as a clown when he discovered a huge power source coming from the south of town. Goku flew to the source to find Brandon Sanford, the other Saiyan, destroying Super Wal-Mart.

"No, that's where I have my 195 inch plasma tv on layaway!" said Goku.

Goku transformed into Super Goku Z and jumped into his old beat-up flying Cadillac. Brandon noticed and he-himself transformed into Super Brandon Z and jumped into his old army jeep, equipped with a rocket launcher, and dared Goku to play air-chicken. Goku accepted this challenge gladly and began to rev his engine.

The two cars raced toward each other, unwilling to stop. When the cars came within five feet of each other, Goku held his hands in front of him and yelled, "Kamehameha!"

A blue beam of energy shot from Goku's hands and destroyed part of his Cadillac and all of Brandon's jeep.

Brandon climbed out of the heap of metal that was his jeep. He picked up a purple feathery hat and placed it upon his head. It seemed to provide him with a power boost, transforming him into Hyper Brandon!

"Ultra Gasp!" gasped Goku as he watched Brandon's beard grow and became able to move on its own free will.

The beard wrapped itself around Goku's neck and lifted him off of the ground, while trying to strangle him.

"I too am a Saiyan," said Brandon, "I guess you could call me your brother."

Goku transformed into Hyper Goku and summoned to his side a shaving kit. Goku tried to shave off the beard, but the razor broke the second it touched the beard.

Goku was tired of this, he started to power up so he could reach his next form: Ultra Hyper Goku Z!

Goku ripped the beard off of his neck and used the same technique that he used on Debbie, except he threw Brandon into a silo full of . . . rum?

"Waiter, check please," said a drunk Brandon stumbling around the silo.

"No, master, please don't!" yelled Brandon as he held his hands to his head, "Raaargh—I see you have been able to defeat one of my elite minions, Brandon."

Brandon seemed to possessed by an evil spirit. Brandon passed out in five seconds due to his drunkenness.

"That was weird," said Goku as he powered down.

Goku felt more large power sources coming from the remnants of Mt. Juliet High School. Goku began to travel there, unbeknownst to him(but knownst to me) but he would be in for many difficult fights, all of which could destroy the planet.

Join us again Next week for another exciting episode of A Series of Totally Random Events!

The End

(When will this end?)


	4. Mmm, Mmm, Good!

A Series of Totally Random Events

Goku was scrounging around the remnants of Mt. Juliet High. Suddenly, Goku was surrounded by a hoard of Amish people.

"You destroyed our rum silo!" yelled an angry Amish man.

"No I didn't," said Goku, "It was Brandon Sanford."

The hoard of Amish people turned and started to charge toward Brandon. Brandon had just began to regain his composure when he saw the hoard of Amish people charging toward him, he was about to start running when the Amish bowed down to him.

"You have the greatest beard we have ever seen," said an Amish man, "We will serve your every whim."

"Take me to Goku Thunder!" said Brandon as the Amish hoard picked him up and carried him to Mt. Juliet High. Brandon demanded his hat back and once reunited with the purple, feathery head cover, he searched around the Mt. Juliet High wreckage for Goku. Goku was looking for the source of power when Brandon pulled up in a brand new Gallant GTZ and challenged Goku for a rematch, Goku rolled his eyes and just when he was about to accept, Brandon's car was crushed by a large, obscene object. It was Debbie; he had fallen out of orbit due to his fatness. The force of the fall caused Debbie to power down to Anthony Rios.

Anthony was then blown away by a powerful force created by a furious Brandon, with a five-foot beard. On the ground was Billy the Magical Hobo and Ben the Mime, crushed from the weight of Anthony and cringing from the sight of Anthony's large buttocks.

"You pathetic people," said Brandon as he picked up Ben and threw him in the same direction as Anthony. Billy had managed to find Goku.

"Goku," said Billy, "Brandon has come to destroy you. You have to leave this place. You should take haven in the nearest Taco Bell!"

Goku followed Billy's advice, and the two of them went to the nearest Taco Bell, which also doubled as a KFC.

There they found Anthony and Ben, plotting and sharing a bucket of the Colonel's Spicy Barbecue Chicken. As Billy and Goku ordered their tacos, they sat next to Anthony and Ben, and began to think of a way to defeat Brandon. Goku had thought of a way to defeat Brandon, but it would mean certain doom for Anthony and Ben.

"Man, I don't care," said Anthony, "just as long as that (bleep) goes with us."

Ben gave a silent nod as a hoard of Amish people, carrying Brandon's battered GTZ entered. The Amish hoard ordered a hoard of tacos and chicken. The man running the register totaled the price as 9,672,896,273.45. Brandon was outraged by this statement and destroyed the man and the kitchen.

"Gasp!" gasped the four heroes as they sprang into action. The heroes, together, felled many Amish people after Amish person until Brandon's GTZ fell to the ground. His five-foot beard stretched out of the window and grabbed Ben. Ben, in an attempt to escape, became a Super Mime. This is what Brandon wanted, his beard began to engulf and digest Ben the Mime.

Ben the Mime could not call for help, so he was easily defeated. Brandon's beard grew five more feet and became neon green, due to the absorption of Ben's power.

"No!" said Goku as he saw Brandon step out of his car to join the fight.

The majority of Brandon's Amish hoard had fallen to Goku, Billy, and Anthony. Brandon walked toward the three fighters, absorbing any Amish in his path.

Anthony was the unfortunate person to walk in front of Brandon. Brandon tapped Anthony on the shoulder.

Anthony said, "Man, what the (bleep) do you want, you (bleep bleep bleeeeeeeeeep)?"

Anthony was suddenly engulfed by Brandon's ten-foot beard. Brandon's beard took another transformation after it had digested Anthony. The beard grew another ten-feet and became fatter and able to cuss.

"Goku, go back to Mt. Juliet High and find Brandon's master," yelled Billy, "I'll take down Brandon."

Goku followed this command and flew to Mt. Juliet High to destroy Brandon's master.

Billy used his magic to make his beard longer and sexier than Brandon's. Billy was immediately flocked by over 100 hot girls, wearing swimsuits. This seemed to infuriate Brandon, so he absorbed all 100 hot girls and his beard became a little longer and was given a swimsuit.

"Ugh!" said Billy as Brandon jumped on top of him.

Billy's beard picked up Brandon. Brandon struggled in an-

Join us again next week for another action packed episode of A Series of Totally Random Events!

The End

Sorry I can't finish the story, but I am being attacked by ninjas and there has been a budget cut. (I think I have a concussion.)


	5. They're Grrreat!

A Series of Totally Random Events

Now that the ninjas are gone and I have more money, maybe I can finish this fic . . .

Billy's beard picked up Brandon. Brandon Struggled in an attempt to free himself, Brandon used a Kamehameha Wave on Billy, but Billy's magic deflected the blast back at Brandon. Brandon thought he would be defeated when he saw Goku's shaving kit by his side. Billy's magic had no power over razors, so Brandon used the kit to shave off Billy's beard. Billy was left on the ground, shocked that he no longer had a beard. Brandon's beard engulfed and digested Billy, absorbing his magical powers.

"My beard will now absorb Goku Thunder!" Yelled Brandon as he drove to the remnants of the Mt. Juliet High School.

Goku had found a secret door in the remnants of the band room. He walked down a large staircase to a room full of monitors. Goku saw a single chair in front of the monitors, one person was standing next to the chair.

"You've finally discovered the headquarters of all of your enemies," said the person in the chair.

The monitors changed to show all of Goku's fights and his secret techniques(cough Hyper Goku Z cough). Goku was appalled at the thought of being watched in private like this. The person standing next to the chair turned around to reveal her . . . self? It was Rachel Stephens(the Slave Driver)!

"Gasp!" gasped Goku, "Who else to control Ben th Mime, Billy the Magical Hobo, Anthony Rios/Debbie, AND Brandon Sanford!"

Goku then powered up only to Super Goku and prepared to attack.

"You had better keep your position, Goku Thunder," said Rachel, "Or we'll sick him on you!" Goku began walking toward them.

"Fine, then!" said Rachel in a cold voice, "Release him!"

A door hidden in the walls of the building opened to reveal a snarling drooling beast wrapped with a chain and struggling to free itself from the straight-jacket.

"Super-Ultra Gasp!" gasped Goku, "I . . . I . . . it can't . . . be! It's . . . Travis Warren . . . the ungodly, forbidden Man beast!" Rachel then drove the creature insane by saying the unholy words: "YOUR FACE!" Then another door opened to reveal its twin . . . Shane Fowley.

Rachel then used another few words to drive Shane crazy: "YOUR MAMA'S FACE!"

Goku felt crippled. He knew he couldn't take on TWO man beasts. But, when all hope seemed lost, out of the shadows popped . . . Cady Madore the Magical Fairy(Mwah)!

"I've been watching you . . . Goku Thunder," said the mystical being, "I think that I should aid you in this struggle for peace!"

"Who are you?" cried a shocked (and bashful) Goku Thunder. "You're hot!" he barely managed to squeak out.

Cady then used her powers and fought the attacking foes. She used a pair of magical scissors to cut Shane's HAIR! Shane ran out yelping like a cowardly dog. Then Travis attacked, but was soon halted by a swift kick to the groin. He stood there with a stupid look on his face (tears dripping down his cheeks). Cady then gave him the most unpleasant nipple-twist, and hurled Travis to the wall. Travis then limped away, crying like a small school-girl. Cady then dusted off her hands and said, "My work here is done." And with that, she disappeared . . . without a trace.

Goku was confused and dumbfounded at the magical fairy's disappearance, but his confusion was cut short as Brandon Sanford crashed through the roof with his twenty-five foot beard.

"Gasp!" gasped Goku as he prepared to fight to the death.

(Bleep) these budget cuts! I'll have to finish this story next week, if I haven't starved to death by then.

Join us again Next week for another exciting episode of A Series of Totally Random Events!

The End!

(Food . . . need food . . .)


End file.
